You know you are really an adult when your parents cut off your money supply. They might do it slowly, one expense at a time or, they may give you a deadline and suddenly you are on your own.
Depending on how you have been raised will make a big difference in how you adjust. Have you had to work during your holidays or on weekends and evenings? Were you given a monthly allowance for personal items, entertainment, petrol etc and your parents paid for everything else?
Were you able to soft talk your parents into baling you out or, were they steadfast in making you learn to come out on what they gave you? Did you earn pocket money by doing chores?
We had a family business and we worked from home. I have all the financial qualifications, skills and experience and managed the business and household finances meticulously. Luckily I had an auditor who gave me no leeway. Everything had to balance to the last cent.
As teens, my sons, had to help out in the business and earned money very randomly. I never mastered the pocket money routine with them which was a great dis-service to them.
Like many people who have suffered childhood trauma and/or have ADHD, my relationship with money has always been emotionally driven.
It was only after I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 51 and did the ADHD Coaching Programme that I understood my codependence, low self esteem and all the other consequences of trauma and ADHD and how these affected my relationship with money.
I will do anything just love me!
- I was never able to deal with conflict. I couldn't say NO. I had never learned to argue constructively and stand my ground without getting angry and crying.
- I had no boundaries. Like many parents I wanted to give my children the material items and experiences I had not had.
- Low self esteem. It was much easier to say YES. I wanted my children (and everyone else) to love me.
- Guilt. Again, like many ADDers, I have a very strong sense of justice. Living in a country with such huge inequalities between the haves and have nots, I felt guilty having nice things. I over compensated by paying staff too much, giving expensive gifts, feeding everyone, and being the go-to person when someone had a sob story.
ADHD families are often dysfunctional, with addiction and violence leading to trauma and financial problems. Addictions not only destroy relationships, they destroy your finances. Alcohol, drugs, smoking, shopping, gambling lead to loss of employment and the breakdown of family life.
Having spent the past 18 years learning about trauma and ADHD and working on my own issues, has given me insight into how families and individuals struggle.
Please Send Me A Message if you would like to chat.
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